What is Grooming

What is Grooming

Grooming is the general term used to describe the process a perpetrator may follow in order to commit child sexual abuse. Grooming encompasses acts and behaviours which occur before, during and after the perpetrator has committed abuse.

Grooming describes a series of intentional and deliberate acts or behaviours by the perpetrator which manipulate the child and those around them and cause harm.  

The goal of grooming is to gain access to the child so that abuse can be committed and often so that the abuse can continue without the child speaking out about it.

Grooming is a form of coercive control. It is used to manipulate the child, and often other significant adults in the child’s life, so that the perpetrator can commit abuse.

Grooming occurs in 5 main stages. The earliest stages are often not sexual, making grooming difficult to recognise at the start. While there are 5 key stages, they may not always appear in a set order. Not all stages have to be present for grooming to have occurred.

Stages of Grooming

The perpetrator will deliberately choose a child. All children are vulnerable; however, a perpetrator may choose a child who is already isolated, disadvantaged or lacking self-esteem or confidence.

The perpetrator will work to gain the trust of the child. They may do this by singling the child out for attention or favouritism, spend time with the child engaging in their interests or by providing the child with gifts. They may also work to gain trust of others around the child by presenting themselves to parents or other caregivers as being a respectable and trustworthy person.

The perpetrator will work to find ways to be alone with the child. This does not always mean that they child and the perpetrator are alone in person. This can also be achieved through engaging with the child via private phone calls, texts or messaging apps. The child will often be encouraged to keep this one-on-one contact a secret from others.

The perpetrator will engage in behaviour that breaks down the normal accepted barriers and begin engaging in increasingly inappropriate and abusive behaviour. This can begin with inappropriate conversations such as discussing sexual topics with a child, sometimes under the guise of it being for educational purposes. Behaviour may then escalate and include exposing children to nude photos or pornography. The perpetrator may also begin to break physical barriers with non-sexual touch, such as hugging or tickling, eventually leading to inappropriate and sexual touch and interactions.

The perpetrator will use secrecy, shame, blame and threats to prevent the child from disclosing what is happening to them and exert control. Because the perpetrator has normalised the behaviours over time, for some children it may be difficult to identify that what is happening is abuse. As the child has been isolated from usual support networks, the perpetrator may convince the child that they will not be believed if they speak out, or that the child themselves is responsible for what has happened to them.

Grooming can be difficult to spot and can involve both the child and others around them.

Grooming is never the fault of the child.

Sources:

Bravehearts: https://bravehearts.org.au
eSafety Commissioner: https://www.esafety.gov.au
National Centre for Action on Child Sexual Abuse: https://nationalcentre.org.au
RAINN: https://rainn.org
Queensland Government Child Safety Practice Manual: https://cspm.csyw.qld.gov.au